Since the storm on Sunday (we lost power for 19 hours) we have not had internet. I keep going to Panera and Starbucks and I’ve been peeking at blogs but with limited time I’m mainly doing work. I’ll be at my boss’s house tomorrow with internet all day so I will catch up then.
Hope you’re all ok!
1. What is a nervous breakdown?
2. If person has a nervous breakdown and checks themselves into a hospital what do they do for that person? Just load them up with meds and send them on their merry way?
Today was our last day at the work site. We leave for home tomorrow. All of us were sad that it was the last day. We really liked the people we were working with at the site, the construction foreman, the other supervisor and the Americorps volunteers – four young guys who made our jobs really fun. It was a really nice group, we all got along well and they always gave us jobs to do that made us feel useful.
The group of 10 who are staying at the camp with me were planning on taking a group photo the other night. The leader, who is the minister, got them all matching t-shirts and she actually brought an extra one for no reason other than she wasn’t sure what size everyone wanted. So they gave it to me and invited me to join them in the group photo.
A tradition here is that every group gets a part of the wall to paint on, to leave a reminder that they were here. A couple of the women in the group who are artistic painted a picture on the wall representing their church group. Everyone signed the picture and they asked me to sign my name in it too.
Yesterday one of they guys in the group said to me that he had been talking about me with some others from the group. They decided that when they come back here I have to come with them.
They are just the greatest group of people. They work hard, they party hard, they are so giving and open. They are the kind of people I was hoping to meet here.
And today I was talking to the construction leader, who works for Habitat for Humanity. He could make a lot more money working for himself or for a large construction company, but he is a man with a passion. He believes in Habitat, and he also goes above and beyond what they expect of him. He said he doesn’t want to see the dumpster filled until he has finished two houses. If it is filled before then it means he is being too wasteful. And he works hard to make the houses energy efficient and eco-friendly.
I’m sure I’ll be writing more about my time in Mississippi. Tomorrow I’m leaving, but I’m planning on taking a leisurely drive back to New Orleans so that I can take photos along the way. The Gulf of Mexico is so beautiful, and now is threatened with the oil spill that is occurring due to the explosion of the oil rig last week. This is devastating to people who make their livelihood on the water. It is truly a tragedy that this area cannot afford, since they are finally getting their feet back on the ground after Katrina. It is very sad.
I keep thinking of that song now that I’m in Mississippi. I had a good trip down here, thanks to Grace who helped me when I was getting really anxious about flying. The xanax helped too. There were three women in the row in front of me who did NOT stop talking the entire flight. Two hours and fifty minutes of nonstop talking. Finally when we landed they shut up, and the man next to me said, “Got really quiet all of a sudden.” I said, “They talked more in the last two hours than I talk all day.” The other woman in my row agreed. My two row mates and I are quiet on planes.
So anyway, I drive here from New Orleans, stop at Walmart on the way (Yeah, I know, I don’t shop there normally, but that is what is here) so I could buy a blanket since I couldn’t fit one in my suitcase. I get to the place where I’m staying – it’s a dorm type thing – and the door was locked and no one was around. I walked around the building and found a guy who let me in the back, then I wandered around until I found someone who took me to someone else. She gave me my t-shirt and took me to the dorm. I was the only one here.
I was a little nervous – this place holds 225 people so how could I be the only one here? It turns out this is a slow week, and there are only going to be 11 people here, including me. The other 10 show up a while later and guess where they are from? About 45 minutes away from my home. They are a church group and all know each other, they came down together. Ugh. I immediately felt like I was going to be left out.
But it turns out they are really nice. They told me that if they all go out for dinner or drinks that I am welcome to come with them, that they have 2 vans and designated drivers! I guess they drink. Later on one of them said she would get my contact info so that the next time they come down I can join their group. There was a prayer before dinner and one of them said, “Don’t forget that there is a jewish member of our group,” and I assured them praying by other people does not offend me. That jews actually do pray as well. I don’t, but most do.
Then four other people show up. They are not staying in the dorms, but will be working with us. Guess where they are from? My state also – they live about 1 hour from me.
This is the first time that everyone staying here is from the same state by coincidence anyway.
But right now we are all in the lounge room, they are all sitting together and watching tv, baseball and hockey, or on the computers, and I’m over in a recliner with my little laptop.
I emailed J to tell him I was kind of freaking out about this not really going the way I expected, and I actually asked him to call me and leave me a message on my voice mail. I can’t believe I asked him to do that. I wonder if he will.
This whole experience is weird right now. And of course everyone has asked me why I am here by myself. But they said it is very admirable and brave of me to come all alone. And they are really nice people. So while I am anxious, I am also thinking these are good people and I am lucky to have met them and to be spending the week with them.
I’m feeling really bad – lots of strong suicidal thoughts. I left therapy, picked up some wine, and now I’m sitting at a bar drinking a vodka martini. I’m thinking I should organize my house so no one will think its a mess when they find me dead. I’m trying to figure out what to do – who to call. I have lots of klonopin but I know that’s an unreliable way to commit suicide. I want to stay in this bar – its full of people who still don’t have power from the storm. Help.
Tags: suicide
It’s 7:00 PM and we still don’t have electricity. We have been cooking and boiling water on the gas grill. It’s pretty cold – going to get in bed and read by flashlight. I hope we can get out tomorrow! We got about 28″ of snow today. My blackberry only has 20 percent battery left, darn. I’ll definitely return emails tomorrow though.
We’re in the middle of a blizzard. The electricity went out at 1:45am. It’s cold. I have a lot of food but no way to cook it. It’s going to be a long day. I’m doing a 1000 piece puzzle.
So much to say, and yet nothing to say.
Tags: random
