I’ve been writing a lot of these, this is the latest.
I’ve been thinking so much about my therapy with you and why it was so wrong. I keep reading my blog from the end of 2008 through 2010 and it seems like we rarely connected. I don’t know why I kept coming back and why you didn’t suggest that I needed another kind of therapy. I wish I knew what I did wrong so that I don’t do it wrong again this time.
And now it is Christmas eve and I’ve been packing and spackling and painting, and getting ready to sell this house, and having a terrible relationship with my husband, and I picture you so happy with your family and your dog and your Christmas tree and your kids waiting for tomorrow morning for their presents and it seems so nice.
Things aren’t terrible though. We went to my mother’s yesterday for our Hanukkah celebration and it was very nice, all the kids and both husbands were there, and the football game was on so that was a good distraction. My sister and I got along very well and talked, but just about surface stuff of course. And naturally my husband doesn’t talk to my mother or sister, but they didn’t comment about that.
And tomorrow my husband’s sister and her family, and his parents, and our niece and her husband and baby are coming over for another Hanukkah celebration and the kids will be very happy to see each other. My daughter hasn’t seen anyone for the last 4 months so everyone is happy to see her. It’s great having her back, of course, she spent a few hours with us and now is out with friends, but that’s ok.
I don’t know why I am ruminating so much on our therapy. I know you say it wasn’t bad and you can’t do therapy wrong, but I know that you know that I didn’t do it like most people do. But it is ok with Art T that I don’t talk about my week, so if I had known that there were different kinds of therapy in the beginning, and if I had known which kind I wanted and needed, it would have made things a lot different. I would have known that therapy with you wasn’t the kind for me. But I didn’t know any of those things, and why didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me?