Tomorrow I see Art T for regular therapy and then I am going to see J. I asked him for a double session which I have never had before but I didn’t want to leave with things left unsaid. Of course now that I have made the appointment I am extremely anxious and don’t know how I am going to say everything that I have planned on saying all of these months. I want to cover all that has been going on in my life now, which is the easy part but also all of my feelings about the therapy we did together. That is the hard part. I will print out the emails I wrote him but didn’t send, but I read them over yesterday and wow I’m not sure I can say some of those things.
But we’ll see.
Maybe you can tell him that if you don’t get everything said that you will send him an email saying the rest.
Hope it goes well for you.
Evan – that is one thing I do NOT want to do. I want to say everything I need to say in person. Email doesn’t work out very well for J and me, and besides I don’t know when I would see him again to discuss it. Thank you!
Harriet–so glad you started blogging again.
Wishing you the best of luck today.
Good luck Harriet. I hope that you can say everything that you want to say in person. I have followed your story for a long time and have sometimes felt about my own T similarly to your feelings for J. I have enjoyed hearing about your experiences with Art T. Let us know how things go with J when you are able.
hugs,
di
Good luck, Harriet. Meeting up with J takes courage and determination. I am impressed with you and thinking of you.
hi Harriet,
I’m really glad you are following through and meeting with J.
I’ve been thinking alot about the big contrast in your experience between the two (and all) of your therapists – what does it mean, I wonder?? My experience with Howard (5 years), and with a psychiatrist before, are like your experience with J. It seems like you and I are deeply hooked by that relationship, which makes sense if transference is the reason. And deep seems like a good thing. But so much of the compulsive mental activity that we respond with seems useless and a waste! It’s like they represent such a problem for us (unconsciously), to the way we normally respond, and we just can’t seem to figure them out, and fit them into our world. They’re indigestible! Which is also good, because we’ve made our world pretty crappy.
Your contrast with Art T is stark. It begs the question – ARE you moving forward with your life, without the sense that you’re “working hard” in therapy? Your feeling less intimidated and open with your emotions (with her) seems like a positive thing, how could it not be (I ask myself)? It reminds me of your relatively comfortable relationship with pdoc – but then, you’re not trying to change your behavior and false beliefs with pdoc. then you say that you might not be able to share as deeply with her as with J. that’s troubling – but perhaps you’re wrong about that.
I also want to mention that working with Howard is often pleasurable, and rewarding. It’s also often frustrating and confusing. I don’t think I could continue if it wasn’t sometimes rewarding.
I hope you have a good talk.
Tiger – thanks!
Di – thank you, I hope things are going well with your T.
Katie – thanks! I think it did take courage, even just to ask for an appointment.
Laura – All of that mental activity did seem like a waste. I think it is better to live my life than to think about what is happening in therapy all the time. I guess I didn’t mean to say that I wouldn’t share as deeply with Art T, but there are certain things that I wouldn’t tell her, just because they aren’t relevant to my life right now. I agree that therapy has to be at least sometimes rewarding, and with J it was rewarding when it went well. Thanks!
What a brave step you’re taking, and am glad that you have the opportunity to chat with him all that you wish to say. And I hope you come back here to let us know how it went, when you’re ready.
Have a good week,
Amanda