I cry when people are nice to me. I have come to the conclusion that I do not like people to be nice to me, because when they are, I cry. Makes sense?
Art T told me that it is not so. We have not yet figured out the emotion that goes along with the crying, but we decided that I immediately judge my tears, and give them a negative connotation. If I do not judge the tears, and just let them flow, maybe I can figure out why they are happening.
I don’t like when people are NOT nice to me, so it makes sense that I would like it when people ARE nice to me. But I cry when it happens.
We tried to figure out what I am feeling in that brief moment before the judging begins. Do I cry because I have an overwhelming sense of being comforted? Or feeling connected?
Do you cry when people are nice to you? Do you know why?
Sometimes.
Now that I think about it, there have been very few times when people have done something for me, or spoke heartfelt words, that I began to cry. I usually don’t do it in front of that person, but as I’m thinking about it later.
I’m glad you’re going to dig into this with your Art t.
Thinking of you and hoping you are well :0)
I don’t cry when people are nice to me. I do get tears in my eyes when people are talking about stuff that is very close to their heart and being vulnerable.
Yep, sometimes for me too.
Mostly the tears come when I’m feeling vulnerable and someone important to me, like my therapist, extends caring and kindness. That’s when it’s most difficult. Or the other women in my group.
When I cry alone, it’s mostly because I am believing some crap about myself — that I am alone, a loser, crazy, humiliated or worst of all, stupid.
think if you were a convicted felon, serving 50 years. Your time in prison has been brutal, you’ve been continually beaten, kicked and screamed at. Nothing you do is good enough. You never hear a kind word from anyone. You’ve internalized all this, so you feel that this rough treatment is wholly justified and deserved, because you are a BAD PERSON – worse than anyone really knows. When there’s no one around to abuse you, you abuse yourself. then someone comes along, a new jailer perhaps, and they wish you a cheery good morning, they offer you a piece of bread that isn’t moldy. Can you see why you would cry?
I also cry when people are nice to me. Particularly if I’m having a difficult time in parts of my life.
Thanks Amanda! I do want to figure out the crying.
Evan – I do that too.
Catherine – Maybe that is what it is, just a feeling of being vulnerable, and having someone not take advantage of that. I do the same as you when I am alone. I also cry from happy or sad stuff on tv or in books.
Laura – I cry just reading that. I would say my experience was about 1% of the situation that you describe, but I am particularly sensitive, so I suppose everything is just amplified in my world. Thank you, I really get it when you describe it like that.
Katie – Do you know why?
Yes, I do! The best example I have is once, someone threw a baseball in my face by accident. I was totally fine, no problem. But then she ran up to me saying “Oh, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” And boom, there were the tears. I would’ve been totally fine and shrugged it off if it weren’t for her asking if I was alright.
And honestly, I also don’t know why. Maybe because I’m surprised people are worried about me? Although that sounds a little sad.
I have been having a hard time with my dissertation and the professors at my university. I am working with another professor at another university and I have been out of contact for a while. So, we arranged to talk to each other this weekend. For some reason, I built it up in my head that she hated me and she no longer wanted to be part of my dissertation panel. (Even though she was a visiting professor and I was in her course, she bought me lunch a few times, and we met up in another country and had lunch). Absurd negative thinking consumed me, which probably is because my father would treat me this way, so my self-defense mechanism is to expect the worst. I finally said to my divided self (good girl / bad girl): “We need to call her, and whatever happens we can deal with it.” So I called. She was so warm, sincere and caring during the conversation. She was genuinely happy to hear my voice. And after we said goodbye, I just broke into tears. Just writing this is difficult; I am crying because she treats me like I’m a human, with dignity and respect. She values me as a person, not just as an academic. She is open and honest with me. I feel at ease when we talk, and unfortunately, I do not have this type of relationship with my actual advisor or other professors at the university. We are treated like robots, that must produce papers and if we fail (or follow an unconventional paths), we are berated and humiliated. For me, I guess I just don’t want to live like this where I’m on edge with my feelings and feel guilty for being treated with dignity. Does anyone know a path for healing?
Hi Adriana, there are many paths for healing. It depends on what you like which one you choose.
It sounds like you have a good memory of your childhood and how it shaped you. So you can heal by getting the child inside what they wanted when young and protecting them from what they didn’t want.
This may mean time alone if people will criticise you for making mud pies or dancing silly or whatever. And will probably involve answering back to any parental voices in your head.
If you have tried lots of things and nothing has worked then you need to enlist support or help from others.
Hope these thoughts are helpful.
Thanks for your advice Evan. I found this page and I identify very much with Harriet and I am glad I am not alone or am the only one to have these feelings. I have been going to therapy for over a year now, and I am just frustrated that I can’t completely get beyond this. Thank you for caring.