I played with the sand table with art t yesterday for the first time. I’m not sure “playing” is the right term. I didn’t know what to do, so I just kind of grabbed stuff off of the shelves and put them in the sand. I was feeling emotional before I even started due to some things that happened during the day, and I tried to pretend that I was having fun.
Art T says she will take a picture of it, and I also took pictures with my phone. She wouldn’t let me take it apart and put the stuff away, she says I am supposed to leave with it all still in the tray.
You can click on these pictures to make them bigger.
Over there in the back left is my house, with my husband (the golfer), my daughter and her horse, and my son and my dog. The lady in the green shirt is my mother saying “Woe is me, my daughter is getting divorced, what will my friends think?” And my car with me driving away.
Then on the right is me, the wicked witch, in my new house, which is just an empty shell, with a bare tree. There is my conscience, the guy in the robe pointing his finger accusingly at me, and the cowardly lion, who I can relate to because I wish I had some courage. A little farther away is a tombstone, since I don’t think I’ll live very long.
In the other corner are palm trees, and a boat in the water, because I have a fantasy of running away to the beach forever.
Art T asked me if I wasn’t represented by a witch, who would I be. I tried to find an ugly lady in among the figurines, and I did find one, but she was crazy looking and art t said I should try again. Then I saw Alice in Wonderland and I picked her because I think she is a mindless silly girl who just chases rabbits and falls down holes and eats and drinks things without knowing what they will do to her.
Of course art t had different interpretations of all of this. To her the empty house was an archway to a new life. And she said I should think of the good parts of my beach fantasy and try to recreate them here in my current life. And she says she has a different opinion of Alice, that she is the only sane person in a crazy world and she is just trying to make sense of everything that is happening around her.
I’m not really sure of the purpose of this exercise, art t says it is very Jungian and as we do more with the sand table more of my subconscious will come out. Not sure if that is a good idea or not.
Another weird thing – at the end of the session she asked if anything was new with J (my old therapist) and for a second I didn’t know who she was talking about. I still miss him, but not as much and I don’t think about him as much. I did email him about 5 weeks ago and tried to tell him all of the positive things that were going on in my life. He responded by saying that I am amazing and I deserve all of these things. So now I don’t want to let him down by telling him what is really going on – that I am leaving my husband. I found another place to live and I will move in there on May 1st. I don’t know if he would be surprised. Art t knew everything that was going on with my marriage, and she was still surprised when I told her that I found a new place to live and gave a deposit.
I’ve been reading everyone’s blogs, but I haven’t been commenting – I apologize for that. I know some of you are having a hard time, and my thoughts have been with you. Not that it helps much. Maybe now that spring is here in the northern hemisphere things will look better.