Thank you to everyone who has left comments and emailed me to find out how things are going with me. I really appreciate that, and I’m reading blogs, but not really commenting. I do like to find out how you are all doing as well.
At the beginning of May I moved out of my house into a house owned by a friend, and there are two other women who live here also. Things are going well here, I feel comfortable here, but it’s not a long term solution.
We did sell our house at the end of May and my husband and kids and dog moved into a very nice condo. My husband and I rarely speak to each other, but we have gotten together for a family wedding and father’s day, and we act normally. I see my kids now and then, last week I went out with my son and we had a good talk about why I am not living there. I haven’t had that talk with my daughter yet, she is so busy and we have a hard time coordinating our schedules.
I am trying to work as many hours as possible to make extra money. I’m basically supporting myself, except for my car payment, car insurance, health insurance and cell phone.
We are still in a massive amount of debt that I don’t see how we will ever get out of. I’ve been seeing a financial adviser, but I won’t be seeing him often because it is expensive. I also had a meeting with an attorney and she was able to answer my questions about this process. At this point I have no desire to get back together with my husband.
I’ve been spending time with friends, some of them are men, and I actually have a date tonight with someone from a dating site. I’m not looking for another long term relationship, just someone to go out with for dinners and movies, and to have conversations with, and perhaps a little making out wouldn’t hurt. I have had a few guys hit on me, which surprised me, but I guess that is what happens when a woman is newly separated and guys think she will take anyone who comes along.
I have been drinking a little too much, taking a low dose of klonopin throughout the day, and not eating or sleeping well. I’ve lost about 8 or 9 pounds. But I’m still running, although sometimes it is hard.
I still see Art T, she is being great. This whole therapy thing is so ironic. I never wanted to talk about my life with J, and he just wanted me to talk about my week every week. Now with Art T, what do I talk about? My week. When we started, it was different, but now that all of this stuff is going on in my life, that is what we talk about. It’s a lot easier to talk to her than J, and we talk about everything, including sex, and a couple of weeks ago I told her about the cutting that I used to do. She is 34 and I am 53, and she is instructing me in things like how to deal with a man who doesn’t want to use condoms. Kind of surreal. But I don’t see sex in my future anytime soon, although it’s good to know how to deal with these issues.
I do feel a lot of guilt about breaking up the family, and I think that maybe if I was a better wife my husband wouldn’t have gambled. I’m thinking of going to the Gambler’s Anonymous meeting that they have for the families of compulsive gamblers. There aren’t many meetings for that, not like AA or Al-Anon, which are all over the place at all times of the day.
My husband’s family is being very supportive of me, I think they are angry with him for what he has done. I know the bottom line is if they had to make a choice they would stick with him, but it’s nice that they are supporting me now. And the biggest surprise of all is that my mother is totally supportive of me. I put off telling her as long as I could, but she thinks I am doing the right thing. She never liked my husband much anyway.
So that is what is up with me. Thank you again for checking in on me.