Remember how I said things have been intense lately? Well, last night I had to walk out of a movie. We went to see District 9, I heard good things about it. It was so disturbing to me though. I couldn’t handle the way the aliens were being treated, and when the main character was in the research hospital and they forced him to use the alien weapons it was too much for me. I had to leave. My son said it got better for the aliens after that, but I didn’t want to stick around and find out.
So, yeah, that’s bizarre. I know aliens aren’t real. But if you were to see this movie you’d understand. The filmmakers make them real, and they were real to me. Not like schizophrenic real, but real in my heart. Hard to explain.
Then today we went to a memorial service. A friend of ours had a brother who committed suicide earlier this month. I didn’t know him, I’ve never met him but it was very emotional, I was crying. Seeing the family at this service, watching the faces of his parents, who are approaching 90 years old, well, let’s just say I could definitely see the impact suicide makes on the survivors. Can I do that to people I love? I’m beginning to question myself.
I guess it’s a good thing, if you took into consideration your loved ones who would suffer if you exited life that way. It’s definately harder when someone does something like that.
That service must have been difficult to get through. I’ve always been told by my psychiatrist that suicide has a serious impact on surviving family members. I’ve always assumed that if I wasn’t around no one would be affected. Perhaps that isn’t true.
i’m glad and relieved (!)you’re questioning yourself on this issue. perhaps, if you phrase your thoughts as you did on your blog, your therapist will better hear your request for help?
you are clearly doing an excellent job on the hotline. it has never sounded like you’re doing this just to feel good about yourself. but if you DO feel good AND you’re helping, all the better, right?
as a woman with many issues, i wonder — does the hotline trigger you at all? do those films they show you?
they may not, but i just thought i’d check in. if they do trigger you, that doesn’t mean i’m saying you should stop volunteering!!!!!
i just want to make sure you’re being heard. it sounds like you’re questioning if you are?
have i over-stepped, as usual? sorry in advance. i’m taking a chance here. i feel like you’re a friend.
CP & Laura – I’ve been doing some reading, and that along with the memorial service has opened my eyes to the suffering that results when one commits suicide. No matter how much a person thinks that everyone else would be better off without them, it changes the lives of everyone left behind. I still believe that people have a right to take their own lives; some people are suffering so badly they can’t bear to live.
ihatetoweight – thank you! I’ve been writing for the past two days and I plan to bring my notes to my therapist tomorrow. Writing the blog really helps collect my thoughts and helps me decide how to tell him and what to tell him. I kind of have come to the same conclusion – does it really matter why people do things if in the end it results in helping people?
As for the triggering, I was going to write about that in my next blog post! And as for being heard, I’m not sure. I think I tend to focus on the times my therapist seems to not hear me, but when I really think about it there are so many times he does hear me, and makes me feel good about myself. I can’t expect him to be perfect every time and do exactly what I need every time, right? But as long as we can talk about it and grow from it I think it’s ok.
You have definitely not over stepped! You are asking great questions and making great comments that make me think and help me gain insight. I am so appreciative of yours and everyone else’s comments, they are so helpful. There is nothing to apologize for!
I feel like you’re a friend too, thank you.