Last week at my therapy session, J, my psychologist, told me that when he sends out his bills at the end of the month, mine is always the first check he gets. We talked about that for awhile, how I want to be the perfect client, and I know I suck at the therapy part of therapy so I’m trying to be really good at the logistics part of therapy to make up for it. We talked about what it would be like if I didn’t drive the check to the post office the day I get the bill so that he’ll get my check the next day. I get paid on the last day of the month, so it makes sense that I would pay the bill then also, but I do agree that I am somewhat obsessive about getting it to him quickly.
However I’m not sure I like that he told me this. When I left last week I had conflicting feelings about it. At first I thought, “Wow, mine is first, I must be special.” Then I realized I don’t want to be special, I want to be like everyone else. And I don’t want to feel like I have to be the perfect client. I know what you’re thinking – just wait a day or two before you send in the check. But it’s not that simple. It’s never that simple, is it?
Tags: different, obsessive, perfection
December 1st, 2009 at 6:15 am
It seems like a tall order to be perfect all the time. Very difficult. But I understand the part of you that needs to be. I guess I want to say ‘give yourself a break’ – recognising this is a good start. It’s ok that it isn’t simple. (Otherwise you are giving yourself another reason to be frustrated with yourself!)
December 1st, 2009 at 5:38 pm
It’s very hard to be perfect all of the time! As a matter of fact I fail at it basically all of the time, as do we all.
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:39 am
No, it is never that simple. I understand the feeling of wanting to do something “normal” but then if you have to plan out how to be “normal’ than that is not exactly normal….argh.
First time commenting, here. Just wanted to say i enjoy your writing
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December 2nd, 2009 at 9:25 am
Man we are so alike! Although my hubby pays the bills now – I used to do that.
My T used to write her bills by hand and it was nice seeing her left handed slanted writing every month – I guess one would call it a connection. In her new office, the bills are done by the biller and are computerized. I confessed to her that I missed that “personal” touch and that things were much more sterile.