Tag Archives: beliefs and values

Nov 16 2009

Dr. Jane Goodall & Chimps

This morning on the Today Show, which I usually avoid because I don’t really understand the point of the show, was the woman from Connecticut who was attacked by a chimp and lost most of her face and both of her hands. This is a tragic story, and I googled this to learn some more. Apparently the attacked woman has been appearing on many shows lately, and at first I thought this was pure sensationalism, but I now think it’s a good thing.

I don’t believe in keeping wild animals in captivity. Dogs and cats, yes. They have been domesticated. There is no way my dog could live in the wild. She wouldn’t even survive a night in the backyard. But wild animals, no. I don’t go to zoos, have I mentioned that before? It was hard when my children were little. Everyone wanted to go to the zoo on playdates, but I don’t do zoos. The zoo in Washington DC makes me cry. Lions and tigers and bears (and elephants and walruses, etc) don’t belong in Washington DC. I have been to the Animal Kingdom in Disneyworld, and I’m somewhat conflicted about that. The animals seemed to have a lot of room to roam around, and were somewhat free and safe.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I had no idea that chimpanzees could be 200 pounds. After doing a bit of research I see that most don’t get bigger than 150 pounds. Perhaps living in captivity and eating human food has led to obesity of pet chimps, making them even more dangerous.

I don’t understand why someone would want to have a chimpanzee as a pet. Sure they look cute on tv. Sometimes they are dressed up and make that funny monkey noise and eat bananas. But they should not be pets.

Coincidentally, or not, Dr. Jane Goodall was on the Daily Show last Thursday. I have been a fan of hers since I worked at the National Geographic Society back in the 80’s. I admire her work, and now that I see her on TV I admire her even more because she doesn’t seem to think aging is an obstacle to her in any way. She did a chimp greeting ritual with Jon Stewart that was quite funny. But the aging thing is another story.

Dr. Goodall says in the wild chimps don’t bite off other creatures’ faces (not that they don’t get aggressive, she is not saying that). They don’t belong in peoples’ homes. I so admire Dr. Goodall, I would love to be like her. To be involved in important work that other people find educational and useful, to be respected, to work towards a peaceful co-existence between animals, people and the earth, to motivate people for change, and to be moderate, gentle, and graceful. I’m going to go to Amazon right now and buy her book to put on my kindle.

Jul 25 2009

Are You Socially Aware?

I’ve been thinking about social awareness. I never thought I was more conscious about humanity, the earth, animal life, etc than other people, but incidents have occurred that lead me to believe that I am. I do a lot of research about companies, businesses, stores, products, etc so that I can make choices that are in tune with my values and beliefs. I’ve noticed that very few of my friends do the same. They all shop, eat, travel, etc with no regard to how their choices affect the world, and affect themselves.

I recently began to do more in depth research and I realize that I have been buying products and shopping at businesses that have unethical business practices. Now that I know this, I plan to change what and where I buy. When I mention this to people they don’t seem interested. Most people that I know want to do what is easiest, cheapest, and in their best interest at the moment. I don’t understand this.

Take Walmart for example. I don’t shop at Walmart because I don’t agree with their business practices. The reasons that people shop at Walmart, in my opinion, are:

1. They don’t have the luxury of shopping elsewhere. Either there are no other stores in their area because Walmart has shut them down, or they live in a rural area. Perhaps they don’t make enough money to spend on socially conscious goods from reputable businesses. Shopping at Walmart is cheap and there are many, many people in this country (speaking about the US) who cannot afford to shop elsewhere or who have to travel to get to other stores. I don’t judge anyone who shops there if they are in this category.

2. They are unaware that Walmart is practicing unethical business – in their products, with their employees, with the labor producing the products, etc. I would not judge anyone in this category either; most people don’t do research prior to shopping.

But I’d like to believe that if people become knowledgeable about Walmart and if they can afford to shop elsewhere they would. However, this doesn’t seem to be the case.

This past week when I was at the beach with my friends there was a Walmart in town. I happened to mention a couple of times about my disdain of Walmart, and my friend asked me what I have against people who shop at Walmart. I told her I have nothing against the people who shop there, I have a problem with the store itself. I explained to her some of the reasons why I am opposed to Walmart. She said she shops there and she likes it. I don’t think my explanation will change her mind.

This same friend recently got a puppy. I found out that she bought it at a pet store. I asked her why she got it at a pet store rather than from a reputable breeder, or from the humane society and she said she wanted this particular breed and there are no breeders in our area, and this place seemed very nice. I told her that the puppy’s mother lived in a puppy mill and told her about the conditions of puppy mills. I knew it was too late for her to change where she got her puppy from, but perhaps if anyone asked her she could tell them a better way to get a puppy. She seemed upset, and told me that this pet store gave her “papers” and her puppy has “parents” and is “registered”. Well, all dogs have parents, and anyone can get papers. I asked her why she didn’t talk to me about getting a puppy because she knows I did a lot of research before I got my dog. She said she didn’t think of it. She asked me if I thought her puppy was ok and healthy and I said of course I thought he was, and he is.

Then last week we were talking about that conversation. She said she was upset when I told her a pet store is not the best place to get a puppy, but then she realized, “Oh, it’s just Harriet telling me this stuff” and then she felt better. Like I’m such an extremist and my viewpoints are so outlandish that she shouldn’t get upset by anything I say. I didn’t mean to make her upset, I just wanted her to know some facts about the situation.

My other friend was telling me about someone we know who goes through people’s refrigerators telling them about all the bad things in there and how either they are bad for their health, they are inhumane, or bad for the environment. My friend doesn’t invite her over anymore. I would never do that, I only explain my reasons and my research if anyone asks. Sometimes, however, things slip out, like my Walmart comments. I do have to be more careful because people think I’m judging or having a holier than thou attitude.

I guess I don’t understand why people do the things they do if they know their actions have repercussions. Everything we do or buy sends waves throughout the world, from 8 year old child laborers in Thailand, to cattle on a factory farm in Iowa. Why do people seem to not care, to only want to do what is cheapest, easiest, and quickest for themselves?

Are you socially conscious and how do you think you compare with others? Do you talk about your feelings with other people and how do they respond?

Feb 26 2009

My Life as an INFJ

A couple of weeks ago someone on twitter asked about people’s MBTI personalities, and I responded that I am an INFJ, but it’s difficult for me and I don’t want to be an INFJ. She asked if I would care to be a guest blogger on her blog, writing about this topic. I had some spare time, so I wrote an essay and emailed it to her. I never heard back from her, and I emailed her to see if she got my email. She said she had got it, she was out of town and she was sick, but she was planning on catching up on her emails over the weekend.

Needless to say I never heard back from her. So in the interest of not wasting a piece of writing I am posting it here on my blog. If you are not interested in MBTI personality types this is probably not very exciting for you. I find the whole thing kind of fascinating, although I’m not sure how scientific it is. Maybe it’s kind of like astrology. I’m a Taurus by the way.

********************************************************************************

I started to realize that I was different from most people when I was about 8 years old. My parents always told me I was perfect and had high expectations for myself. As I got older I realized that I didn’t fit in with the rest of the world and in my teens I learned how to act so that I didn’t appear unusual to others.

I have an ability to “feel” people’s feelings and to get them to talk about themselves. I do consider this a gift, however it can also cause problems. Feeling other’s feelings as well as my own can cause me to become overwhelmed. After all, most times one person’s worth of feelings is enough. And I am quite an emotional person with very strong feelings, so to take on everyone else’s can cause emotional overload. I am concerned with other people and how they feel and act. This combined with my perfectionist tendencies and my high expectations of myself can cause me to become overly involved in other people’s lives. When someone opens up to me I feel that it is my responsibility to take in as much as I can of them; to help them in any way they need. I rarely, if ever, try to cut short conversations with anyone, even if it means my time is spent unwisely. There are times when I have other things to do or places to go, but I get involved in conversation with someone. I keep asking them questions, getting them to talk about themselves, all the while trying to tell myself to “Stop It!”.

I tend to be insightful, with insight into myself, into others, and into patterns in society and the world. My mind is constantly analyzing the world around me and the people around me. I try to find meaning in everything – in relationships, in situations. This can be tiring at times! I have to work hard to get my mind and my thoughts to rest. Everything has possibilities and contexts.

I have strong values and principles and I try very hard to live my life accordingly, but I find I fall short. I also find that other people don’t understand my reasons for my behaviors, since most people don’t have such powerful principles working within them. I often make up excuses for doing or not doing things because I know that people won’t understand my motivations. Since I never feel that I am living up to my values I constantly have a feeling of self loathing, of imperfection. I always am striving to be a better person, to do more for humanity and for the world, and I never feel that it is enough.

On one hand I am idealistic, on the other hand I am cynical. I always have some degree of idealism about any situation or person, however I am often cynical that the true ideal will emerge. I am frequently disappointed in other people, even though I know from the beginning what the outcome will be. I have high expectations of myself and others.

I have a strong ability to focus and concentrate, and get frustrated when “real life” interrupts my thoughts or my work. I don’t work well with other people, I prefer to be alone with my thoughts and ideas and I prefer to do things myself rather than delegate. Due to this trait I am often overloaded with work that I take on instead of letting others do it. Combine this with my need to do everything perfectly and you can see that I have a lot of pressure on myself.

Although I have strong feelings and thoughts I keep things to myself and rarely let others in. I don’t think anyone would understand me and I don’t want to take risks of alienating people. I prefer to keep conversations going about the other person and not myself. I often say, “Give me an hour and a stranger, and I’ll know his whole life story, his goals, his fears, his dreams.”

I trust my intuition, and sometimes it is wrong. However, I will trust it above anything else, including facts and evidence.

I have an anxiety disorder, which is most likely due to my desire to be perfect, to always be productive, and to always be caring and attentive to others and to the world. It’s fairly impossible for me to talk about my problems with anyone which makes therapy difficult, and I’m a person who could benefit from good therapy. I have a lot of resistance with my therapist.

A perfect example of my life occurred this afternoon. I decided to sell my spinning wheel since I don’t have time to spin and I put an ad on Craig’s List. Today a young woman came over who was interested in buying the wheel and she brought her husband. He seemed like a very quiet introverted guy; he is actually a physicist. They spent some time at my house, and we chatted while she tried out the wheel. She ended up buying the wheel and sent me an email this evening. She said:

“Good evening Harriet,

I wanted to thank you again for the wheel and good conversation. My husband, Rick, had such a good time talking to you and was sad to go – coming from Rick, that means a lot (he’s not much of a talker unless he likes someone).

Have a good night,

Rose”

Feb 12 2009

My Strengths

First of all I’m in serious pain.  My hip has been hurting since April, when I started yoga.  I kept thinking it would get better, but it never did.  Then in November I dislocated my shoulder and finally started physical therapy for that.  But the shoulder pain couldn’t even compare to the hip pain, so I finally went to the doctor a few weeks ago and he said I have tendonitis in my hip flexor and now I’m in physical therapy for that.  I cut back on the number of days I do yoga, and I don’t push myself as hard during class.  I also cut back on my running/walking from 3 miles to 2.  But today after my run my hip hurt unbelievably.  I iced it and took Advil and there is no improvement at all.  I think it hurts more today because I ran outside on the streets and sidewalks instead of of the treadmill.  My goal is to run a 5K in June – I don’t even know if I’ll be able to walk!  I’m seriously thinking of giving up yoga, I didn’t realize it would cause so many injuries.  So anyway, that is my complaint for the day.

I made a commitment to meet with the life coach for a three month time period and she told me to purchase the book Now, Discover Your Strengths.  You get a code for an online test to determine your top five strengths.  And these are mine:

Restorative

You love to solve problems.  You may prefer practical problems or conceptual ones or personal ones. You may seek out specific kinds of problems that you have met many times before and that you are confident you can fix. Or you may feel the greatest push when faced with complex and unfamiliar problems.

Empathy

You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own.  Other people are drawn to you.

Intellection

You like to think. You like mental activity.  You are the kind of person who enjoys your time alone because it is your time for musing and reflection. You are introspective.  This introspection may lead you to a slight sense of discontent as you compare what you are actually doing with all the thoughts and ideas that your mind conceives.  Wherever it leads you, this mental hum is one of the constants of your life.

Developer

You see the potential in others. Very often, in fact, potential is all you see. In your view no individual is fully formed. On the contrary, each individual is a work in progress, alive with possibilities. And you are drawn toward people for this very reason. When you interact with others, your goal is to help them experience success. You look for ways to challenge them. You devise interesting experiences that can stretch them and help them grow. And all the while you are on the lookout for the signs of growth—a new behavior learned or modified, a slight improvement in a skill, a glimpse of excellence or of “flow” where previously there were only halting steps. For you these small increments—invisible to some—are clear signs of potential being realized. These signs of growth in others are your fuel. They bring you strength and satisfaction. Over time many will seek you out for help and encouragement because on some level they know that your helpfulness is both genuine and fulfilling to you.

Belief

You have certain core values that are enduring. Your Belief theme causes you to be family-oriented, altruistic, even spiritual, and to value responsibility and high ethics—both in yourself and others.  Your friends call you dependable.  Your Belief makes you easy to trust.

A while ago I wrote a post about six things I’m good at, and I think the things I wrote about in that post mesh really well with these strengths.  I abbreviated the descriptions of all of them, except for “Developer”.  I’m not convinced that is one of my strengths.  Perhaps if I was in a corporate environment I would see more signs of this quality in me, but I don’t have opportunities to help people grow on a day to day basis.  I have to think more about that one.  I’m meeting with the coach the first week in March and I’m looking forward to learning more about myself.

Jan 8 2009

Living According to my Principles

The definition of principles according to dictionary.com is (well, there is more than one definitition, this is the one I like):

guiding sense of the requirements and obligations of right conduct

I like this because of the word “sense”. One has to sense what their own requirements are for proper conduct.

The definition of values is:

beliefs of a person or social group in which they have an emotional investment

I have some strong principles and values (I mentioned this yesterday in regard to my therapist mentioning it. I was wondering why he thought I have a strong belief system because I don’t really feel like we’ve discussed this.) It’s easy to have strong principles and values, it’s a lot harder to live one’s life according to them. I feel like I really miss the mark a lot of the time. I’m not sure if I really do, however. I’m so negative about myself, such a black and white thinker, so if I throw away a yogurt container, for example, I feel like I’ve failed at helping to protect the earth by recycling everything I use. Is a person allowed to give themselves a break, or is that a sign of weakness and laziness and lack of principles? Logically and rationally I know that throwing away a yogurt container does not make me a failure. On the other hand what if 10,000 people this afternoon threw away their yogurt containers instead of putting them in the recycling bin. That’s a lot of yogurt containers now laying in a landfill for the next 50 years. Things that seem like no big deal actually can make much more of a difference when we look at the big picture.

I’ve been thinking about this since I started thinking about the career issue. I could never have any type of job that compromised my principles and values. I could never work in a zoo, for example, or work at Walmart. I am strongly opposed to animals being kept in captivity, and I am strongly opposed to Walmart’s business practices. I already feel that I do a less than stellar job at the regular part of my life, so it’s important to me to find a job/career that reinforces my beliefs.

I think it might be interesting to list my most valued principles. This could be very easy, or perhaps not. It will start off easy:

honesty
dependability
integrity
empathy
learning
independence
generosity
appreciating beauty
order
communication
creativity
discipline
family
friendship
gratitude
hard work
love
peacefulness
perfection
respect
serving others
patience
simplicity
productivity
protection of others, of animals, of the earth
belonging
helpfulness

That is 26 things. I’m going to try to reduce the list to 20. I’ll take out:

discipline
appreciating beauty
hard work
helpfulness
order
serving others

I think these 6 can be considered parts of other values on the list, so they are extraneous.

Now I’ve got 20 values that are important to me.

belonging
communication
creativity
dependability
empathy
family
friendship
generosity
gratitude
honesty
independence
integrity
learning
love
patience
peacefulness
perfection
productivity
protection of others, of animals, of the earth
respect
simplicity

Having “belonging” on the list troubles me a little, as I think it’s a bit selfish. But I can’t deny that I have a strong feeling like I need to belong. To belong to my family, my group of friends, society, the world in general. So I’m leaving it on the list. I’m going to go think about whether I truly live my life according to these values to the best of my ability.