Tag Archives: creativity

Nov 8 2009

Quicksand and a Mandala

This morning at 6am I had a dream. I was running on a trail in a park near my home and I fell into quicksand. I screamed really loud (in my dream, not out loud) and woke myself up. I wonder what this dream says? I’m getting really sucked into my running? Hmmm, what would Freud say?

And here is a project I worked on last week. It’s very difficult for me to meditate by just sitting still doing nothing. I made this mandala out of paper glued onto foamcore. I wanted to make it out of stained glass (I used to do a lot of stained glass mosaics, but I lost my inspiration), but I was afraid of working with broken glass (self injury, etc). I still had to use an exacto knife, but it was ok. It took me a few days to make this and it was very meditative. My sister says I must be a kinesthetic meditator. Is there such a thing?

It’s supposed to represent the earth. All around the outside is chaos, lightening, etc. Then the green crust of the earth. Brown dirt under that, and blue oceans and rivers around the whole thing. Then it gets hotter and hotter as you get to the center, with a few places where the hot insides burst through onto the outside. Kind of like me I suppose.

mandala

Jul 31 2009

A Situation

A couple of nights ago I was doing my volunteer job selling tickets for the local collegiate summer baseball league. Our little town has its own magazine and this magazine is a corporate sponsor for the baseball team. A man showed up from the magazine, and I figured he was in marketing or PR – he was wandering around giving out reusable grocery bags. He came over to the ticket table and we were talking, I was telling him how much I like the magazine and how I’m a subscriber and how every month there is someone I know featured in the magazine. He was pleased to hear that.

There was a teenaged girl selling tickets with me and she asked him about photography internships that might be available at the magazine; he talked to her about that for a bit and gave her his card. Then I said, “I’d like to write for your magazine.” He asked me if I’m a writer, and I said, “No, but aren’t your writers freelance?” He said, “Yes, and actually I was talking to one today who is a Pulitzer Prize winner.” I replied, “Well, I guess you don’t want me then!” He said, “No, I didn’t mean it that way, we have all different kinds of writers.”

I proceeded to tell him about a story idea I’ve had floating around in my head for a few years. I never thought anyone would be interested in it. But he said it sounds like a great idea for a story and he gave me his card. Turns out he is the Publisher and Editor of the magazine. He told me to email him.

First thing yesterday morning I sent him an email telling him how pleased I was to meet him and talk with him. I reiterated my story idea and said that I might get started on the photography aspect of it, since he seemed to like the idea.

Then he sent me back an email saying, “It was great meeting you, too. I am interested in the story you suggested. Please let me know what you find out. Many thanks.”

I have no idea what that means. I asked my husband and he said, “Maybe he wants you to do some of the story and send it to him.”

Now what? I’m not a writer! I really love this story though and I so want to be able to write and photograph it. I don’t know what to do now, this is exactly the type of situation I hate to be in. I’m setting myself up for failure. If I don’t try I fail. If I try and it sucks I fail. Why do I do this to myself? I have this feeling of worthlessness again. Ugh. My ideas always get me in trouble.

Jul 30 2009

Me – Lucky?

A couple of weird things happened yesterday, but I’ll write about this one. I have a sister who is three years younger than me. All of our lives she was the cute pretty little social one, and I was the ugly big nerdy one. Lately when I’ve been glancing in the mirror at myself (because that is how I look in the mirror, via glances) I see her. And we don’t look anything alike. A major change that has happened to me is that over the last two years my hair has gone from sleek and straight to curly/wavy. My sister always had curly hair. Our hair was always about the same color until a few years ago when she stopped coloring hers, now hers is mostly gray with some blobs of brown. She looks vastly different due to the gray hair, and also much older.

When my friends see photos of her they say, “What happened to your sister?” To me she looks the same, but with grayer hair, but to most people she looks very different.

I have also lost weight during the last couple of years resulting in a thinner face. But I still don’t think we look alike, except when I glance in a mirror and see her.

As I mentioned I’m taking an online photo journalism course and last week our assignment was Reflections. We took photos of ourselves or others reflected in different surfaces. This was an extremely difficult assignment for me, psychologically as well as technically, but I did manage to create a few photos that were decent.

One of the photos I shot in my car. It was a reflection of me in the mirror of my sun visor.

car

And in this photo I look just like my sister, except with brown hair. I also have sunglasses on, which hides my eyes. My eyes are very different than my sister’s. I sent the photo to my sister with a note, “See why I say I look like you?” She sent me back this email:

“That’s my old me. I miss that look. Wow, you are sooo lucky”

I was stunned when I read this. I felt like crying, I felt so badly for my sister. I never thought that she was affected by her appearance – she was always the cute pretty one! Now I’m the lucky one? How can this be?

I guess when you’re ugly for your whole life you get used to it, but when you start out attractive and you get older and your looks change it is very disturbing.

I told her it’s just the hair color that is different, nothing else about her has changed. In my eyes, anyway. She’s still the pretty one. I just can’t believe that when it comes to looks anyone would think I’m lucky.

Jul 5 2009

Maybe I’m Not Cut Out to be a Goddess?

So I mentioned that I’m taking this Goddess decluttering online course. I’m not crazy about it. The first week was great – creating the altar. I had fun with that and it inspired me to do some decluttering. The second week was all about cleaning your space with funky things like smudge sticks, herbs or essential oils and an oil burner. Oh, and a feather. Scent is supposed to transform the energy in the room. Now I agree with this somewhat, but the assignment was to walk around the room wafting the scent with the feather. I have some essential oils already in my room, which I enjoy. This assignment seemed somewhat new agey and certainly wouldn’t take a week to accomplishment. I bought some general purpose cleanser at Whole Foods and did a bit of cleaning with it. I thought that would clean the space better than some smelly oil burner. They also talk about how to decide what to give away and decluttering vs. organizing.

The third week seems even more new agey. It’s all feng shui and zones and prayer. They also give ideas about how to donate items. I guess that’s helpful for people who are just beginning, but I’ve been donating items for so long I know how to do it. I guess I should become more familiar with feng shui before I write it off totally. Anyone into feng shui? Does it give you more energy and keep you focused?

Jul 4 2009

What a Person Needs to Feel Fulfilled

I had written this in my journal a while ago. It’s titled “What a Person Needs to Feel Fulfilled”.

Someone to love
To be loved
Someone/something to help
Someone to take care of
Someone to talk to
Someone to listen
To be needed
To be respected
Self respect
To be healthy
Creativity
Empathy and compassion
Gratitude
Adventure
To be active
Not doing things halfway
Exploring and discovering
Meeting challenges
Self esteem
Confidence
Morality
Independence
Sense of humor

I think I forgot integrity. I don’t have a lot of things on the list. I do have quite a few of them though. Rather than concentrating on the things I don’t have I should be grateful for the ones I do have, and work on trying to get the things I don’t have. It’s a process I suppose.

Jun 23 2009

My Altar

The Goddess Course began last week, but I joined late. We got our week 2 assignment yesterday, but I am still working on week 1, which is to create an altar. This is a space with intention, filled with stuff that resonates with the person creating it.

First I decided that what I need most in my life right now, which is authenticity, purpose, and self-love. The qualities I want to feel when I see my altar are beauty, organic, and simplicity. And if my altar was a prayer I would want it to be: I am a worthwhile person deserving of good things.

Then I decided it would be on the windowsill of my office, which is also where I sleep when my husband is snoring. I worked on finding and/or getting things to put on my altar. I feel good about how it came out and I do feel energized and yet peaceful when I look at it.

altar

First I laid out a shawl that I knit from alpaca – it’s a pale pink and very soft. On the left is a bottle with an essential oil blend I made from lemon, lavender and clary sage. Next is a candle I made – I also made the mosaic jar that it is in. It is scented with ginger peach. After that is a photo of my husband and kids from a vacation we took a few years ago, and my daughter made the frame. It’s got seashells stuck all over it. Next is a tall glass vase filled with river rocks, which I didn’t actually get from a river, I bought them at the craft store. Finally there are some books which I love.

altar

altar

altar

altar

altar

The books are:

The 21 Balloons by William Pene du Bois (I loved this book in elementary school)
The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving
Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh (of course!)
The World According to Garp by John Irving
The Stand by Stephen King
The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues by Tom Robbins

Jun 21 2009

On a Learning Kick

Yesterday I ran my 5K race, and I did much better than I thought I would. I finished in 32 minutes 11 seconds. I did walk a very short distance, up a small hill when I needed to catch my breath. But I finished in the top 40%, so I’m quite proud. I have another 5K coming up on July 4th, and this week I’m moving into the 8K running group. I really don’t see how I can ever run 5 miles, but I never thought I could run three, so I guess there’s always hope.

Now I’m signing up for e-courses. I signed up for one today which you can read about here: Declutter Goddess. Here is what they say about the course:

“We know – it is so easy to feel overwhelmed, out-of-love and a bit disgruntled with your home. It doesn’t feel like it supports you – it even feels like it restricts you or holds you back. Something about the energy of your home just doesn’t sing to you as well as it could. And on top of feeling all that & more about your space – it feels like it’s so big and immense that it’s just not going to change. It’s just too hard. There’s just too much stuff. It might even feel a bit painful… Making space for our goddess to shine isn’t a one-time binge-drinking session of throwing away, moving furniture and vacuuming. That can feel scary, boring and harsh. And pretty soon, things just get back to feeling the same instead. What we’ve instead created is a six-week journey where we’ll be guiding you through divine decluttering & magical space clearing to create an amazing, spirit, light, joyful space.”

Magical Space Clearing sounds like just what I need. I need space – space to think about what I need, where I’m going, and who I’m going with. I haven’t read my materials yet, having just signed up this morning, but I’m looking forward to it.

And tomorrow registration opens for a photo-journalism e-course which you can read about here: UnRavelling. Here is what she has to say about this course:
“The Unravelling process is a new way to view your world, taking time to appreciate the beauty around you. And we do this in the simplest way – we stop and look. Beginning with your feet, you’re going to go on a photo safari into your own life to reconnect with who you are, where you’ve been and where you want to go next. These definitely won’t be self-portraits in the traditional sense – we’ll be using the camera as a tool to unlock how we see not only ourselves but also the world we live in, including the immediate surrounds of our homes, places of work and our friends and family.”

Reconnecting with who I am, where I’ve been and where I want to go – that’s what I want to do.

Jun 15 2009

More on Style Statement

So the Style Statement is more than how you dress, or how you look. According to the book:

“Your Style Statement defines your authentic self. It is a compass for making more powerful choices, a guide for designing a life that reflects your whole being. An anchor, a symbol, a mantra. A declaration, an affirmation, a reminder. You, fully expressed.

Knowing your Style Statement helps you make empowered decisions – from your wardrobe and home to your relationships and work. When the spirit and the look and feel of your life are connected to your true nature, you feel at home wherever you are. You walk taller. You think more clearly. And the world responds accordingly.”

Doesn’t that sound encouraging? All of that just by defining two little words. But I’m really rather inspired by all of this. Graceful Creative took the eight areas defined in the book (home, fashion, spirit, service, relationships, creativity, body, and nature) and developed goals for herself based on her Style Statement. I’ve always thought goals are an important part of life, for without goals what is the point of getting out of bed every day? But it’s hard to give yourself goals without direction, and by defining my Style Statement I feel I can set goals based on my true self. At least it’s a start – a jumping off point.

When my kids were young it was easy, I had one major goal – raise my kids into responsible, loving, respectful adults. When that goal is over, then what? So now I plan to set some goals for each of the eight areas, and see where it takes me.

Considering I want to die before I turn 50, and that will be in 11 months, I’m wondering if this process can change my decision.

Jun 13 2009

My Style Statement

I have come up with my Style Statement! Yes, it’s very exciting. It took me a while to figure out my 80% foundation word. I had narrowed it down to:

Comfort
Constructed
Contemporary
Designing
Genuine
Innovative
Organic
Simple
Structured

After thinking about it, I decided that “Contemporary” encompasses all of these other words. According to the book, Contemporary:

Has a strong presence, because they are indeed “present”. Contemporary looks you in the eye. They are up-to-date and current with what matters most to them and are typically interested in social and cultural issues. They stay on top of things; they make time work for them; they look to the future. Progressive thinkers, they seek out leading-edge ideas and people to help them get where they want to go. Contemporary is often champion of a cause. They prefer to interact with genuine and authentic people but can tolerate many types of personalities in order to achieve their goals, from having a good time to purpose-driven missions. In overdrive, Contemporary can be forceful or critical, especially of themselves and their healthy limitations. Living from a place of inspiration and always curious, Contemporary turns possibility into real time, with pragmatism, common sense, and a clarity of commitment.

Look and feel: Modern; in style but not necessarily trendy; potentially avant-garde; clean, new, well-cared for. Simple lines; open spaces and surfaces.

I was having trouble with my 20% word. I was playing around with:

Comfort
Creative
Dedicated
Flourish
Innovative
Inspiration
Intuitive
Meaningful
Organic

But I decided on “Integrity”. According to dictionary.com integrity means:

• adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty
• the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished
• the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness
• the state or quality of being entire or complete; wholeness; entireness; unbroken state
• moral soundness; honesty; freedom from corrupting influence or motive
• unimpaired, unadulterated, or genuine state

What resonates with me is the adherence to moral and ethical principles, honesty, unimpaired, whole, and genuine. I try to live my life in accordance with my principles, I try to be honest and unimpaired, and I’d like to be whole and genuine. I’m not always successful, but I’m trying!

So my style statement is:

Contemporary Integrity

Has a nice sound to it, doesn’t it?

Jun 6 2009

Style Statement

I’m reading Style Statement: Live by Your Own Design by Danielle LaPorte and Carrie McCarthy. It’s a very interesting book and has a series of questions that allow you to become introspective and take a little journey into figuring out who you really are. Some quotes from the book that resonate with me:

“Communicating who you are in all you do is very powerful stuff.”

“When you are adrift from your core, the space between your surface and your depth fills up with anxiety.”

“We desire to belong and to be seen for who we are.”

“The point is to affirm an identity that reflects the real you.”

I would love to affirm the real me and have it be accepted by everyone I know. I guess that is what it all comes down to for me, and that is currently the journey I am on.

I’m going through the questions in the book, some are easy, some very difficult. Life is divided into eight areas: Home & Stuff, Fashion & Sensuality, Spirit & Learning, Service & Wealth, Relationships & Communication, Creativity & Celebration, Body & Wellness, and Nature & Rest and Relaxation.

At the end, after doing all of the exercises, you end up with a two word style definition – the first word is your 80% foundation word – the core of who you are, your essential self; and the second is your 20% creative edge, your distinction, what moves you forward. In other words, your foundation word represents your being and your creative edge is how you express and distinguish your being.

It’s very fascinating, and I’m really stuck right now on my 80% word. There is a sentence in the book that probably explains why I’m having trouble: “For many people, it’s easy to express and practice the spirit of their foundation word. For others, it represents an aspect of their life that they need to give themselves full permission to embrace and to be.” I’m in the “for others” category I think.