A couple of things I didn’t write about my session on Tuesday:
J said more than once that he doesn’t know my husband, he can only go by what he has heard from me, and at one point said jokingly that he would like to see my husband with me in the office. I let that one slide, that will never happen.
J also asked me if I thought my relationships with people could improve and I said no, and he asked why not. I told him I was too old and it is too late, and I feel pretty hopeless about ever being able to change. He asked me what I would need to change, and I said that:
I would need to be myself
I would need to not be fake or hide things
I would need to trust people
I would need to allow myself to be vulnerable
He didn’t suggest how to make this happen however.
My husband and son are going to Toronto this weekend for a hockey game (that is how much they like hockey – Toronto is far away from here). Some of you might not know, or might have forgotten, that I self harmed for quite a while. I haven’t done it in months, I don’t know how long exactly because I don’t like to go back and read old posts on my blog. But I would usually self harm when I was alone in the house, and I’m getting a little anxious about being alone all weekend. So I am thinking of ways to pass the time. Saturday morning I have my running group, but that is all that I have planned. However yesterday a dear friend, who lives down the street from me, called me to tell me she was going out of town because her mother is dying, but her husband is currently undergoing chemo and radiation for cancer. I offered to spend time with him this weekend, because he hates to be alone. That could really fill up the whole weekend, and she said he doesn’t feel so awful that he can’t take walks or even go to the movies. I plan to spend as much time over at their house as possible, he thinks I am doing him a favor, but it is really the other way around.
I don’t know if people outside the US know about the Penn State situation, or even if people outside of the east coast of the US. In a nutshell, a football coach at the university founded a charity to help troubled youth in the late 1970’s. In the mid-1990’s this same coach engaged in “inappropriate conduct” with a few young boys between the ages of 7 and 13. This “inappropriate conduct” ranged from molestation to actual sexual activity (ie; rape).
In the late 1990’s a mom of one of the boys reported an incident to the university police and child protective services. Investigators interviewed the coach, he admitted that he showered with the boy and also admitted it was wrong, and promised not to do it ever again. No charges were filed, and the case was closed.
The coach then retired, but stayed on as a volunteer and had full access to the everything at the university.
Recently a man came forward and gave testimony saying that the coach showered with him when he was a young boy, and molested him. At the time a janitor on the campus told his supervisor that he saw the coach performing oral sex on a young boy. Another janitor reported that he saw the coach and a boy leave the shower room holding hands. Neither the janitors nor the supervisor reported the incidents to university police or child protective services.
A couple of years later a graduate student told the Head Coach (Joe Paterno) that he saw the football coach in the locker room shower, performing anal sex on a 10 year old boy. Paterno reported the incident to his supervisor. Now the story gets fuzzy. The graduate student claims that he told university officials that he saw the coach and the boy engaged in anal sex. But university officials say that they were never told this, just that the coach and the boy were horsing around and maybe by accident the coach touched the boy’s genitals. However the university takes away the coach’s campus privileges, the incident is reported to the charity, but no law investigation happens.
In the mid 2000’s a coach at a high school where the football coach was volunteering came upon him and a young boy engaged in some type of inappropriate conduct. The coach spent a lot of time with this boy. In the late 2000’s the boy’s mother reported that her son had been sexually assaulted by this volunteer coach, and the high school principal reports this to the police.
This month the coach was finally arrested for a bunch of charges involving child abuse. The university supervisors were charged with perjury and failure to report abuse. Those supervisors just resigned.
The head coach, Paterno, said he would retire at the end of the football season. However the university removed him from his head coach position immediately. The school students were very angry about this and were having riots on campus, and the graduate student who had reported what he saw now is getting death threats.
Now, having some time to think about it and come to their senses, the students are supporting the victims of the abuse by having candlelight vigils, and having a moment of silence before last week’s football game.
The coach still insists he is innocent, and denies that he is a pedophile. He does admit to showering with the boys however.
This has already gotten very long, and there is a reason why I am telling this story. But I’ll write about that tomorrow.